Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
有点儿意思，但意思不大，失望更多。关于一个对生活有野心有热情的姑娘，折腾的疲惫很真实也转瞬即逝，出了小酒馆聚众即兴演起电影很飞，但只是起了个调，完了就…没了？有种微妙的将人物们用完即弃的感觉…
开心麻花的戏，你要说好看吧，看后又记不住任何，你要说不好看吧，毕竟你也跟着笑了
有趣的灵魂万里无一。这片子怎么好我说不出来，应该说这部片子可以算是所有做作的恋爱电影的终极反义词了。
失望。一些镜头导演的特点还在，也拥有着美妙的时刻，但不够深刻，不够堕落，更不够疯狂。作为具有年代色彩怀旧感觉的青春题材，一开始引起了我很大的观影兴趣，但没想到PTA最后真的只是拍了个较为无聊的糖水片。其实影片非常纯粹，完全是导演的自我致敬，对过去回忆的怀念，对于这样属于导演自身情怀的电影还是给予非常高尊重的。当这些怀旧类题材越来越多时，就愈加怀念昆汀让我沉醉的《好莱坞往事》。
这个故事太让我心理不适了，小男孩真可怕，所以最后女主为什么依然跟着走了？
7分。这个片太文化差异太私人了。第5分半热狗店天空的晚霞，让我想起洛杉矶，第39分钟俩人奔跑的那条街，让我想起Pasadena，结果两分钟后出现了KPPC Pasadena！
黑帮部分特别好笑，后面强行煽情就奇怪了起来。打光和布景偏舞台剧，处理还蛮特别的。戏剧和“现实”的彼此穿插设计非常有意思，知道有原著参考之后这种惊叹感一下子少了一大半。
太搞笑了，太适合春节档了。非常舞台戏剧，无论是布景还是灯光，特别是灯光直接舞台灯光分区设计了😂但是借鉴了好多电影的桥段，教父，特别是黄金三镖客，完完全全音乐和布景设计和扒拉的桥段
对这段青春期的故事几乎无感，放纵和追随自由是青春期的特点之一，但一味如此有些像长不大的孩子。分久必合，合久必分，他们最终还是走到了一起。
本质上还是青春爱情小品，放在了70年代好莱坞的大背景下，让一些伤痛小清新都裹上了Valley气质。未成年的小孩明星和成年不得意的女性，进行了一场两个多小时的爱情追逐，相伴或者闹变扭都像过家家一样，前两场奔跑的戏份是恰到好处，最后一场双向奔赴就添了几分刻意。我始终不看好女孩能忍耐男孩的幼稚到何时。至于PTA拿亚裔开涮这事儿，好莱坞不就这个德性么，zzzq不过是老白男掩耳盗铃罢了。
片子不错，一看豆瓣评论区各种“racism”“sexism”瞎几把乱吠就知道必是好片
看侯孝贤看不下去改看了这个，真是没啥意思，麻花自嗨的作品，改得陈辞滥调又一团和气。
Punch punch, love love,not drunk this time because they love to run. 讲真，这不是如今难得一见的《大撒把》么
充分说明了预告片就是XJB剪…电影远超预期，应该算是《夏洛特烦恼》《西虹市首富》《羞羞的铁拳》之后最好的一部吧！适合春节的氛围:)
和原版比起来的话，就是魏成功长得好像原版的编剧啊！
这是一次「伟大复兴」，包括了罗伯特·奥尔特曼式的1990年代美国艺术电影，《不羁夜》时期的散乱叙事和有点过头的画面色调，《私恋失调》式的愚蠢甜烂畸零爱情故事。最牛逼的是Cooper Hoffman 对爹Philip Seymour Hoffman 的复活，他妈的笑起来太像了我直接看哭了。一部散漫小品确实不是巅峰PTA，但作为脑残粉能怎样呢？《记忆》之后第二部年度top3 预订，看他妈一百遍啊一百遍！！（乔治克鲁尼快带着soggy bottom boys 出来给水床唱个广告歌啊！！！
太欢乐了哈哈哈哈，给意大利人当翻译那段简直一绝！！！
PTA就算拍青春爱情喜剧也能做到比别人高好几个档次
不解释∪･ω･∪
客观3.5，感情分4.5星。虽然豆瓣和友邻评分都只有6.8分，但我却看得超级享受。虽然故事很散，有时候自己也摸不着头脑这一段到底在讲啥，但片子一会儿看出了两小无猜、一会儿看出了春天不是读书天、一会儿看出了婚姻故事的感觉，既青春无敌又中年现实淋漓，过瘾。
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